The Secret to Long Marriage

The Secret to Long Marriage

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Secret Of Long Marriage
Secret to Long Marriage

Secret to Long Marriage Takes work, commitment, and determination between both partners. This work may be difficult at times, but can be very rewarding.

Method 1Of the Secret Of Long Marriage
Method 1 of 4:
Exploring Intimacy

The secret of long Marriage is to define what intimacy means to you and your partner. Intimacy does not just mean the sexual connection you have with your partner. You should communicate with your partner on how you define intimacy.[1]
This will help disperse miscommunication and help promote a more long,peaceful and respectful marriage.

Identify different types of intimacy. Have a conversation about all the different types of intimacy you feel is in your marriage. Some may include:
Emotional (how you communicate feelings)
Sexual (the chemistry between you and your partner)
Intellectual (the exchange of thoughts and ideas between you and your partner).

Discuss the value and importance of intimacy.[2] Talk to your partner and discuss how you both approach the marriage . For example, consider:
How do you value the intellectual intimacy you have with your partner? Does your partner value intellect in the same way? If not, how does that make you feel?
How do you value the sexual intimacy you have with your partner? Does your partner value sexual intimacy in the same way? If not, how does that make you feel?
How do you value emotional intimacy you have with your partner? Does your partner value your feelings, or emotional intimacy, in the same way? If not, how does this make you feel?

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Be conscious of day-to-day intimacy. Intimacy, like many things in life, is a constant work in progress. The secret of long Marriage is to be aware of how intimacy affects your daily life. Consider writing a diary or have daily conversations about intimacy. Consider answering the questions:
Has my partner met my intellectual needs today? How has he/hasn’t he?
Has my partner met my sexual needs lately? If not, how can I discuss this with her in a respectful manner?
Do I feel safe sharing my feelings openly with my partner? Why or why not? Is this problematic?

Method 2 Of The secret Of Long Marriage
Method 2 of 4:
Respecting Each Other

The secret of long Marriage is to negotiate conflicts carefully. You will fight with your partner. You will need to learn to resolve conflicts in a respectful manner in order to maintain a happy relationship. To do this, consider the following:
Listen to what your partner has to say. Emotion can sometimes make us talk rather than listen. It might be difficult, but try and listen to what your partner has to say before you jump into what you have to say. You will need to actively listen, that is, try and acknowledge what your partner has to say.[3] Keeping quiet while your partner talks is not always the same as listening.
Really think about what you have to say before you say it. Words have power and what you say may have a lasting outcome. A good trick is to rely on active listening to help structure your words. Try and repeat, exactly, what your partner says before your rebuttal. For example, “I hear that you are frustrated that I did not do the dishes. I’m very sorry, but I just had a tough day at the office and was exhausted by the time I got home.”
Apologize, and mean it! Sometimes, in a fight, both of your feelings might be hurt. Acknowledge these feelings and try and make amends to your partner. This will help negotiate the argument. For example: “I know you were looking forward to going out with your friends this evening and I’m sorry our plans have changed. I really need your support right now while I’m dealing with this.”

The secret of long Marriage is to forgive each other. All couples have disagreements, but the quality of a relationship is always measured by how well the couple makes up after a fight. Avoid holding grudges after fights have died down. Holding onto emotions can fester into a new conflict. Verbally let go of these feelings with your partner with an apology such as a “sorry for picking a fight with you” or “I forgive you for your outburst last night. I love you.”

How have a successful marriage


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The secret of long Marriage is to acknowledge accomplishments. What might be important to you may not be important to your partner (and vice versa). If your partner is excited about something, verbally acknowledge it. This will help your partner feel that you respect her self-worth.
For example, if your partner received a promotion, congratulate her on it with a nice dinner or just a “Great job, honey! I’m really proud of your hard work.” Being specific with your accolades is even better than general comments.
Sometimes, what your partner views as an accomplishment may not seem like much to you. It’s important to be supportive. For example, if your partner is really excited about a high score on a video game, still acknowledge it. This will let your partner know that you value his hobbies or personal pursuits.

The secret of long Marriage is to exemplify consideration. As with acknowledging accomplishments, you also need to be considerate to your partner’s downfalls (not matter how large or how trivial). Follow the same guidelines with acknowledging accomplishments when being considerate.
For example: “I’m so sorry you didn’t get the promotion, honey. I know you’ve been working hard lately.”
Or: “I’m so sorry your save file got erased on your video game. I know you spent a lot of time on it.”

Respect boundaries. If you are unsure what your partner’s boundaries are, talk to your partner about them.[4]
These boundaries can, contextually, be about anything. Your partner may have physical boundaries. Your partner may have boundaries about communication. Whatever the case, respect these boundaries and communicate with your partner about what these boundaries are.
Use active listening skills to talk about boundaries. For example: “I hear that you are uncomfortable with me touching you there. Do you want to talk about it?”

The secret of long Marriage is to stand up for your partner. You should protect your partner, and your partner should protect you. This may be from external forces such as negativity in the workplace, or perhaps internal dissonance with anxiety or depression. Let your partner know that you are her biggest advocate. Consider:
“I’m sorry that you are struggling with this right now. I am here to help you.”
“What your boss did was wrong. I cannot believe you had to go through that!”
“I do not appreciate what you said about my wife. I really think what you said was quite rude and I would really appreciate an apology.”

Method 3 of the secret of long Marriage
Method 3 of 4:
Enjoying Each Other’s Company

Spend time with each other. It is easy to get into an everyday routine of accomplishing personal goals. However, you should strive to spend time with your partner to continue to build healthy and happy habits.[5] Some ways to do this include:
Eating dinner together.
Sharing a hobby.
Working out together.
Going to bed/waking up at the same time.
Schedule time during the day to sit down and talk. (Maybe after the both of you get home from work.)

Explore common interests. Try and take an interest in partner’s interests. This can be a hobby, or this can just being present and supportive of what your partner does. For example:
If your partner enjoys playing/watching a sport, then support the team or watch her games.
If your partner enjoys an activity, try the activity with him. Or, ask questions and encourage discussions about it.

Enjoy time alone. This may seem counter-productive to building a healthy partnership, but studies have shown the couples are happier if they develop some personal time.[6] To develop some alone time, try:
Having a space designated as your own.
Scheduling time for your own. (For example, perhaps every other Saturday is your own day.)
Have your own hobby. While it is important to share your partner’s interest, it can also be healthy to have a unique hobby that you can enjoy by yourself. For example, perhaps take an exercise class by yourself.

Celebrate! Enjoy your time with your spouse. Remember important dates like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Do something you both enjoy to mark the good things in life.
There are many ways of celebrating. You can take your spouse out to a nice dinner at her favorite restaurant or stay at home and make your husband his favorite dinner. You can take a vacation or stay at home and enjoy a “staycation.” Celebrate in a way that you both enjoy.


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Method 4
Method 4 of 4:
Being Good Parents

Discuss parenting styles. It is okay if you and/or your partner change views on parenting styles. Your views will evolve with experience. It is vital, however, to continue to communicate with your partner your specific views and opinions in a respectful manner.[7]
Parenting styles can be a broad category, but consider what you and your partner value in parenting. Do you want to raise your children with an emphasis on religion, education, physical fitness, etc?
Consider: How do you expect to discipline your children? How do you expect to educate your children? Do you want to travel with your children? There are a limitless amount of questions you can discuss with your partner regarding your children.

Be consistent on parenting approaches. You and your partner should communicate your approaches to parenting. It is important to be consistent in a number of ways when raising a child.[8] Consider being consistent in the following ways:
Establishing rules. For example, do you and your partner agree on what your child’s bedtime should be? Discuss your reasoning and perhaps compromise on a set time. Providing a united front to your child helps to promote respect.
Providing discipline. Do you and your partner agree on discipline techniques? For example, do you think that spanking is appropriate while your wife does not? It is important to discuss, to communicate, and to compromise on the discipline of your child. You want your child to respect both of you equally and not resent one of you for being too harsh.[9]
Setting schedules. Discuss creating a schedule on parenting duties. For example, which of you will be making the kids’ lunches before school? Which will be driving the kids to soccer practice? Establishing a schedule and a routine with your partner (and your children) helps establish routines and limits the chaos of miscommunication.

Be good role models. Your children are learning from you and your spouse. Model the behavior you would like your children to learn.[10] This is especially important when interacting with your spouse; you two should model what a healthy, loving relationship should look like.
Avoid name calling. Even if you are fighting with your spouse, you should avoid saying hurtful things, especially in front of the children. If you are angry at your partner, keep it civil as possible or talk to your partner in private. Calling your wife by derogatory names or swearing at your husband sets bad examples. Instead, say something like: “I really do not appreciate the tone you are taking with me right now, can we discuss this later?”
Show respect. Do not demean your partner, especially in front of the kids. This will reinforce bad behavior. For example, if your partner does something wrong or silly, do not ridicule him in front of the children. An example of this might be if your husband suggests that Africa is a country. Instead of calling your husband an idiot, saying something like: “Do you mean a continent? I believe Africa is made up a lot of different countries.”

Be present. Do not expect your partner to do all of the parenting. Raising children should be a joint effort; be present in your child’s life.
Being absent as a parent may breed resentment in your marriage as well as with your children.[11]
If you have to work or travel a lot and know you will not be present, try to show that you are still thinking about your partner and your children. This might be using a video program or telephone call to talk to your family while you are away.

Present a united front. There will be rocky situations when parenting where you and your partner may disagree on things. However, it is important to present a united front when your children get into trouble, be it among themselves or in the real world. Consider:
How will you and your partner stop your children from fighting amongst themselves? You do not want to distinguish a “bad guy” if one of you the designated peace-keeper. Instead, talk about how you can mediate squabbles together

Joy Chinonyerem

Joy Chinonyerem is an ardent follower of Christ who believes in Living the Christian Life according to the tenets set by Christ himself. She is passionate about Walking by Faith, as commanded by the scriptures and uses her blog, Walking By Faith Blog, to minister the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

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