Duties and responsibilities of a pastor wife has to do with the necessary things a pastors wife is here.The Bible does not address the involvement of the pastor’s wife in any ministry. In other words, it depends upon the denomination, the individual church within a denomination, the church board, and the pastor and his wife to determine how active the pastor’s wife should be. The main area of responsibility for any wife is to support and be submissive to her husband (Ephesians 5:22-24). However, if the Lord calls a man into the ministry, He calls the whole man, and that includes the man’s wife and his family.
The Apostle Paul in 1 Timothy 3 gives us the qualifications of a “bishop” or what we call a pastor, and in verse 4 we see the following: “one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence.” “Rules well” is an idiom for being a biblical husband with a submissive wife and children that love and respect him. The pastor who is the head of his home will be more successful as a leader in the church, and of course this means that his wife is his helper in the ministry of the home as well as the church. The ministry is a partnership in all areas of life and not just in the home life.
The wife does not do the work of the pastor, but the pastor and his wife are a team who are yoked together to do God’s work. Too few recognize the reality of this and want to put the pastor’s wife in a box and relegate her to keeping the home fires burning and prayer support for her husband. That certainly is her responsibility, but quite often the pastor’s wife has gifts that can and should be used in the ministry. On the other hand, there are women whose husbands are pastors and they see it as “his” ministry and do not enter in to the work in any way. There should be a good balance between these two ideas with the goal of bringing glory to God in all things. An active, outgoing pastor’s wife is a valuable asset to any church in today’s climate of apathy to the things of God.
A pastor’s wife provides a sounding board for her husband to vent, brainstorm, and question his progress or goals, yet encouraging and steadfast to support the vision that God has given to them. She is often a nurse, healing emotional wounds that seem to cause many pastors to give up. She is a counselor that helps her husband to work out difficulties that are too close for him to see. She is a lover and protector to shield him from harm and to provide the loving care that is so vitally needed, especially when one feels they are in a lonely profession. Many pastors do not have close friends with whom they can vent or share their problems. A pastor’s wife provides that companionship that encourages him to continue even when he feels like giving up.
One of the truly remarkable qualities of a pastor’s wife is when they are able to show a faithful love for the members they serve. I believe there is a special anointing upon the pastor’s wife to go beyond the normal call of duty. It is a patient love, almost as if the person they are helping is a small child. A pastor’s wife often understands that baby Christians, no matter how old, can be acting out because they are hurting.
A pastor’s wife may face other difficulties, such as people in the church expecting her to know EVERYTHING about what is going on in the church, such as the events, planning, or what a church member may be going through as if she is the pastor. Some pastor’s wives have jokingly remarked, “I am not the pastor, I am only his wife!”
Other difficulties may include career pursuits outside of the church. It is wise to address this issue before accepting the church. It is also wise to remain a part of your husband’s ministry, attending and supporting as many functions or activities as possible, but without damaging your career or ignoring the needs of the flock. Balance in the ministry is very important as well as setting priorities with yourself, your husband, family, and church.
Many of our pastors and spouses have chosen to be co-pastors in the church. The husband is actually the lead pastor but giving a place of respect for his spouse, as they are one. Co-pastors often share in the goals and vision of the church, sometimes filling the pulpit or sharing a word of encouragement to the body. Most co-pastors allow the lead pastor, which is usually the husband, to assume the business responsibilities, counseling, and be more visible in the regular duties of a pastor.
Whether you designate for both of you, being co-pastors, there is definitely strength in numbers. I mentioned earlier about God calling the whole man, both husband and wife, becoming one flesh. It is very powerful in the spiritual realm. “And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12) In marriage, God can be invited to be the third cord and with him, nothing that you pray and work for is impossible to achieve. You can approach the specific area of ministry to which your husband is called as a team. How you divide up the work will be up to the two of you based on your personal gift sets and prayer as you seek God’s plan.
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I also believe that one of the remarkable duties of a pastor’s wife is to place balance in the ministry and marriage. Too often, a pastor can be so busy helping and giving out to others, he neglects family life and intimacy with his wife. If we truly have a picture of Christ and His bride, the church, there will be balance.
Let your husband be the lead pastor of the church and let him be your heartbeat! Have fun and enjoy one another to the fullest! Make time for small outings together and alone. Don’t let vacations be surrounding around ministry activities but make time for one another. Remember, once your ministry is over, you hope to still have one another, loving and caring for each other.